i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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