apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
