textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
