i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Found the puke drawer
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
