I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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