dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
