I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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