i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
