and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
