Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
