At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
