Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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