the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
