im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize