I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
