I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
