You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
