i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
