You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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