to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Farmville is her only friend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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