Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
