I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
