sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
