Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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