I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
