Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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