PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
