I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
