Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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