Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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