So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
