I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
