We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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