There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
