I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
