...so i touched it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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