i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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