So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
