dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just high enough for therapy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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