We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
