If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
