I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
