Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
