The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
