All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
