How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
