He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
