it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
