i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
