Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
