hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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