glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
