I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize