Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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