me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
