he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize