Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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