I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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