after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
