you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
