I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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