i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I could make wine with my vomit
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
