I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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