He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize