The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
