Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm like, not good at living.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
