And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she was so not down for the gang bang
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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